Relationships Do Over!

We’ve all been there, the “bad breakups.” At times, the hardest part of the break up is starting over. Know this, this relationship do over will involve you and you alone. The process of understanding yourself after a disaster just means you can take away what you learnt about yourself and what you want in a friend/lover/husband or wife. Here are some steps you can consider when going through that heartache:  

1. Accept what cannot be changed

Everything you fight brings more pain, heartache, discomfort, bitterness and fear. Everything you accept brings a sense of peace, surrender, and resilience.

2. Act as if this breakup is the best thing in your life right now

Close your eyes and pretend that you WANTED this breakup, that you’re HAPPY to be starting over after a bad relationship. Rest in the knowledge that this is the best thing for you, that starting over is the best thing that could ever happen in your life. Acceptance is the key to starting over after a bad relationship.

3. Don’t believe the lies

What lies are you hearing about yourself, your body, your future, your personality? What lies do you believe? What lies are you telling yourself? “I’ll never find anyone else to love me, because all the good ones are taken” and “I’ll never be able to stop obsessing about my ex or get on with my life.” STOP IT!

4. Believe your ex’s actions over his/her words

Your ex may say everything from “this is all your fault” to “I love you, I’ll never hit you again, I’m sorry. But, how does he/she show you his/her love? Does he/she put you first in life, respect your wishes, and do things to make you happy?  Believe what he/she does, not what he/she says. Let them talk ‘til the cows come home, but if his/her actions don’t support his/her words, then they’re lying to you and them self. Starting over after a bad relationship is about believing people when they tell you who they are.

5. Own your role in the breakup

Usually, relationships don’t work out because of both partners’ actions, personalities, or beliefs. It’s not often one partner who creates a bad relationship. To start over after a bad relationship, figure out your role in the relationship. Don’t feel guilty or blame yourself for anything – just accept that your actions may have contributed to the breakup – or the growth of the unhealthy aspects of the relationship.

6. Remember that everything happens for a reason

Maybe your ex wasn’t ready to be in a relationship, or you weren’t ready to be in a relationship, or you two are not good together. For some reason, it was an unhealthy relationship that had to end. Even if you don’t believe God, trust that synchronicity or the universe or karma is making things unfold exactly the way they should. Starting over after a bad relationship is about believing that the breakup was meant to be.

7. Get help if your ex is struggling with emotional issues

Your ability to heal and start over after your relationship ends can be hobbled by your ex’s psychological or emotional health issues. If your ex – or you – are dealing with depression, anxiety, or other issues, I urge you to talk to a counselor. Even just calling a local help line can help you gain clarity and insight. Don’t rely on the internet for help with something as serious as starting over after a bad relationship with someone who is severely depressed or abusive.

8. Allow yourself time to start over after a bad relationship

Sometimes it takes a long time to heal after a breakup. There is no “normal” amount of time for healing – it takes some people years, while others can bounce back more quickly. To help yourself heal, don’t focus on the pain and guilt. Instead, focus on what you love about yourself, your life, and your future. Where are you going, where do you want to be in one year?

Let me know what you guys are thinking? Share your thoughts on getting over a bad breakup.